THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (PART 19)

• Staying up later at night is basically setting the next day to a higher difficulty.

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• When I am on a bus I am simultaneously insulted and happy that nobody sits beside me.

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• It would be really disappointing if we are the most advanced species in the universe.

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• Actors get paid more to pretend to go to space than actual astronauts get paid to go to space.

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• When you take the bus, the bus is actually taking you.

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• If you run a red light, your picture is taken in HD but someone robs a bank and the video looks like footage from minecraft.

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• Your age is just the number of laps you’ve done around a fireball in the center of the solar system.

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• Older people struggle to sleep at night because they have more embarrassing situations to remember.

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• Graduating is realizing you’ve worked your whole life so you can now work your whole life.

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• The person who cooks food deserves a tip more than the person who carries the plate a couple of feet to the table.

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via @SarcasmMother

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