THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (PART 22)

• Step 1: Buy a 3D printer. Step 2: Print a 3D printer. Step 3: Return the 3D printer.

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• "He's nice, once you get to know him." is a just a nice way of saying, "He's an asshole, but you'll get used to it."

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• Clapping is literally hitting yourself because you like something.

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• Whenever you register a username, you are disappointing someone in the future.

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• "I am a vegetarian except for eggs. "Yeah, and I'm rich except for money.

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• Whenever you think you are completely alone, just remember that your future self is watching you right now through memories.

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• Nothing more satisfying than closing all of the tabs at the end of a long assignment.

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• Everyone seems to worry about where you go after you die, but no one really seems to think about where you were before you were born.

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• You aren’t stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

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• Autocorrect” should be named “Autoassume”.

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via @SarcasmMother

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