THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (PART 20)

• A baby is cooked at 98.6 degrees for 9 months.

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• Books are nothing but dead trees with tattoos.

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• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

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• USB sounds like the backup plan for USA.

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• If you have a new year's resolution you're probably going to fail. If you cared that much you'd be doing it already.

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• I find insults are easier to take than compliments because I don’t have to question the motives behind them.

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• Removing headphone jack shakes the world. Removing millions of people from their homes in  middle east does not.

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• If you received a blood donation from the Queen of England, would that put you in line for the throne?

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• Poop is the most shittiest example of palindrome.

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• I still feel like I'm lying when I tell a site I'm over 18 even though I'm over 18.

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via @SarcasmMother

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