THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (PART 23)

• Genie: Whats your first wish? Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted. Rich: What the fuck?!

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• “Jail” and “Prison” are synonyms, but “Jailer” and “Prisoner” are antonyms.

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• A bullet does its job after it gets fired.

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• The reason you wake up after dying in a dream is because your brain doesnt know what happens after death.

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• I never said “fuck off” that much, until YouTube introduced pre-video advertisements.

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• Saying “um” is the human equivalent to buffering.

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• Most dogs will probably live their life thinking that their human master is immortal.

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• The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

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• Cannibalism has the potential to solve both of the world’s hunger and overpopulation problem.

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• The symbol “3” should really represent the value of four, because it looks like half of “8”.

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via @SarcasmMother

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