THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (PART 18)

• It’s actually terrifying when a cleaning product says it kills 99.99% of bacteria. That means they left 0.01% super germs to evolve and breed.

---

• The problem with humanity is that intelligent people are usually shy and antisocial meanwhile dumb people are full of confidence and famous.

---

• Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

---

• Technically pessimists are optimists because they are optimistic that shitty things will continue to happen.

---

• Actors get more respect than they deserve. Actually their writers should get way more money and respect than them.

---

• The internet has made me very well versed and knowledgeable to a great many things, most of which are utterly useless.

---

• Actually the depressed people aren’t really depressed but more in touch with reality of world and less manipulated by the way others think.

---

• Our solar system is the most dangerous place in our galaxy. 100% of the human deaths have occurred here.

---

• What people call 'love' is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.

---

• Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other what they want to eat, until one of them dies.

---

via @SarcasmMother

See More..