THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (PART 5)

• When you’re drinking beer, the beer is getting drunk too.

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• My daydreams basically just consist of what would happen if I was a confident version of myself.

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• Boomerang is like a frisbee for someone who has no friends.

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• The meaning of life is to keep yourself busy with unnecessary shit and eventually you'll be dead forever.

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• Every show is a mystery show if you start in season 2.

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• Maybe grandparents pretend to be bad with technology so that they have an excuse to spend time with us.

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• Intelligence is like underwear. It’s important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

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• Life is just collecting people to come to your funeral.

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• Pizza smells better when it’s not your pizza.

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• We live in an age where we have to prove to machines that we are not machines.

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via @SarcasmMother

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