THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (part 2)

• I wonder if receptionists at sperm banks ever say “Thanks for coming”.

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• If your parachute doesn’t deploy you have the rest of your life to fix it.

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• In the UK you need a TV licence to watch TV or you could end up in prison where you get to watch TV all day without paying for a licence.

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• Brain surgery is just a bunch of brains trying to help another brain out.

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• I’m not anti-social, I’m pro-solitude.

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• The best part about being a procrastinator is you always have something to do. Tomorrow.

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• Your great great grandchildren will probably do a history project on your social media posts.

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• When I was a kid, I couldn’t swear because adults were around. As an adult, I cant swear because kids are around.

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• A résumé is just a fancy version of a “Will work for food” sign.

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• You have been trained from birth to be a slave just to generate a currency which has no real value.

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via @SarcasmMother

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