THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (PART 13)

• If nothing can travel faster than the speed of light, how come I see drivers turn before I see their indicator light?

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• If time is money, and money is the root of all evil, then wasting time is fighting evil.

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• Waiting for the day Trump eats a snickers and turns back into Obama.

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• People who'll spend lottery winnings sensibly never win the lottery because they are sensible enough not to waste money on lottery tickets.

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• White boards are remarkable.

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• World War One started with an assassination, World War Two started with a military invasion, World War Three could start with a tweet.

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• Shy people are like a really slow-loading file, most people won’t stick around long enough to get to the awesome content.

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• When you put on your seatbelt, you are wearing your car.

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• If cats could text you back, they probably wouldn’t.

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• The uterus is the ultimate 3d printer.

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via @SarcasmMother

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