THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (PART 3)

• Working is just selling away your life for money.

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• Toothpaste never runs out. Your will to squeeze it out of the tube does.

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• If the Titanic had reached New York, it would have been just another ship.

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• We dream of making Mars more like Earth, while we continue to make Earth more like Mars.

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• Telling depressed people just be happy is like telling people with Alzheimer that they just need to stop forgetting.

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• To not judge a book by its cover is to deprive the cover designer of the satisfaction of people appreciating his hard work.

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• We used to read things on scrolls. Now we scroll to read things.

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• Prison is actually a free hotel where you just pay with your freedom.

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• The quickest way to knowledge is not asking questions, but publishing your understanding online and waiting for angry people to correct you.

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• Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety it will leave me too.

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via @SarcasmMother

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