THESE SARCASTIC ONE LINERS WILL GIVE COMEDY SCRIPT WRITERS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY! (PART 4)

• Finding glasses attractive is undoing millions of years of evolution by preferring mates with poorer genetics.

---

• Time heals everything yet it slowly kills you.

---

• Super-villains would have a lot more success if they committed crimes during the day when all the heroes are at their day-jobs.

---

• A billionaire could give me 0.1% of his wealth and change my life completely while his life is virtually unaffected.

---

• When I was young I used to sneak away from home to go to parties, now I sneak away from parties to go home.

---

• If snails are so slow, how come nobody sees them coming? It’s always like bam, there’s a snail.

---

• 1997: Don't trust anyone on the internet, don’t get into strangers cars. 2017: use the internet to get into a stranger’s car.

---

• In 50 years or so it's gonna be pretty weird when we would watch old videos in 4K.

---

• After you die, are you still a Human being or Human been?

---

• Technically we all are time travelling to the future at the rate of 1 second per second.

---

via @SarcasmMother

See More..